The One Year Mark

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain


That must be why we all love our dogs so much and have such unbreakable bonds with them.

I cannot even begin to describe how difficult this past year has been without you, and the memories of the last 24 hours spent with you, Little Dog, are still so fresh. It is still the worst, most challenging 24 hours of my life. Just knowing that you would not be here with us the following day at the same time brought with it such unspeakable grief and anxiety.

We still miss you, Little Dog. We have not brought in another dog, and while that has been difficult at times, today it feels really good. There is no replacing you, Pretty Little, and it seems the best way to honor you.

So, in honor of you and the dear friend and family member that you were and still are to us, I will close this post with the following poem concerning the true character of a dog as I cannot add anything more to it. It says it all. We love and miss you, Little!

The Creation

When God had made the earth and sky, the flowers, and the trees,

He then made all the animals - - the fish, the birds, and bees.

And when at last He'd finished, not one was quite the same.

He said, "I'll walk this world of mine and give each one a name."

And so He traveled far and wide, and everywhere He went,

A little creature followed Him until its strength was spent.

When all were named upon the earth, and in the sky and sea,

the little creature said, "Dear Lord, there's not one left for me."

Kindly the Father said to him, "I've left you to the end. I've turned

my own name back to front and called you 'dog', My friend."

- Author Unknown

Found this picture of you today, Little

It was such a nice surprise to find this picture of Little Dog from a few years ago. I am so glad that I decided to clear off some memory sticks from an old digital camera that is no longer working.

I still miss my Little Dog so very much. Little Dog is so missed that it is incomprehensible. It is even more incomprehensible that we are approaching one year that she has been gone. I had no idea what to expect, and I remain surprised at my sadness.

We love and miss you, Little Dog!

First Halloween Without You

We are really missing you today, Little. We are so glad that we didn't get your costume too early this year because it would have been even more heartbreaking than it already is. Your other costumes, rain coat, and winter coat still hang in our closet.

You are loved and missed, Little Dog!

Happy Halloween!

Three Months Later . . .

We still miss you so much, Little.

The days have gotten easier, but they are by no means easy.

I am not often conscious of the fact that it is a Thursday morning (at the same time that we last saw you) and no longer haunted between 8:45 a.m. and 9:30 a.m. on Thursdays. I still remember coming out to the living room at 8:45 a.m. on Thursday, June 5, 2008, after dressing and gathering up my purse and keys so that we could take you for your last vet visit. I will always remembering seeing you sitting on the chair with your head resting on your feet. You weren't feeling good and had been listless for days.

I still remember letting you hang out in the yard for a few minutes before we got in the car, as I realized that we would never walk with you again and never again be in the yard with you. There would be no more walks.

Then, I remember the ride to the vet and how you just sat so quiet in my lap. I tried to stay in the moment with you, knowing that was our last car ride together. There would be no more car rides.

And I remember the painful car ride home without you. I can never forget. We will never forget.

But we will always remember you. Our family member. Our friend. Our Little Dog.

We love and miss you, Little Dog. Always.

July 12, 2008 - Found the Perfect Poem

When you think of me, master
Know that I am not the same,
Not the frail, old body
That I too fast became

Smile back on your mornings
My young paws wet with dew
Think not of the pained version
Of the pup you once knew

Please remember our good times
Our fond romps in the park
Not the day I lay dying
And my world became dark

And at times when you are grieving
In those moments of hurt
Do replace tears with memories
Of when I was alert

Please remember my soft eyes
And my sweet, loving lick
Not the hazy, lost moments
After I became sick

When sad times are upon you
And your tears start to flow
Know I am not the confused dog
That you grew to know

Master, when you lie dreaming
Let your dreams be not blue
Dare not dream of the frail dog
Whose earth years seemed so few

May your dream paint you rainbows
And bright bridges of gold
And show you, my dear master,
That I am no longer old

May your rest bring you wisdom
May you wake without care
Grieving not for my loss but
Knowing I am still there

I'll be in puppy kisses
And in walks in the park
And right there beside you
On your bed in the dark

And those times you are smelling
A sweet, dew-covered rose
Eyes closed, feel the soft brush
Of a little, wet nose.

Whether you are in sunshine
Or alone in the dark
When the gentle wind whispers
You just might hear my bark

If at times you might feel
Gentle taps on your knee
Please don't let this alarm you
It's most probably me

Though you no longer see me
Nor can you touch my soft hair
In a way that you know not
I will always be there

Please do know I've not left you
We were paired from the start
I will be with you always
Cuddled deep in your heart

Love spans all horizons so
Let your sad heart not harden
I romp and I'm whole again,
In a bright rainbow garden

One fine day you will join me
We'll run fast in a green field
When you come to the gateway
And, like I, you are healed

And till that joyous reunion
When I lick your sweet face
Know I'm playing in rainbows
And I'm saving your place

So tonight as you lie back
Settled down in your bed
Know I'm not gone, dear master....
I've just gone on ahead.

Author: Dorrin M. Birch

July 10, 2008 - Things Are Just Not The Same Without You

Little Dog, things are just not the same without you. Gemini looks for you and seems to wait for you to return, as do we. In our minds, we know that you will not be coming back, but our hearts do not know any better.

It is still difficult to come back here to your online memorial, but we are going to continue to do it because you are loved. All of the prior memorial posts helped in a lot of ways, but they also hurt, too. The reason for the "hurt" is because we began to mourn the Little Dog who once was - vibrant, healthy, happier. So, not only were we trying to adjust to the loss of you, it began to hurt even worse - didn't know that was possible! - because our hearts forgot that you hadn't felt that good in a long, long time. The pictures that adorn your online memorial are not recent ones. Not because we didn't care to take your picture anymore but because you weren't well, and you looked sick. But just going through all of the pictures we took of you, Little, while you were here with us everyday, caused us to forget why we had to let you go . . . you were no longer the dog in these pictures. You were suffering, and watching you suffer caused us to suffer and grieve because it reminded us that time does, indeed, march on, and our time together was running out. Even before we said "goodbye", we had lost the essence of Little Dog a long, long time ago. So sad. But we never forgot that you were still the dog in all of those photos and that everyone ages and becomes frail, and that is why we wanted to keep you with us forever.

By creating this online memorial and other memorials, we feel that we are keeping you with us forever.

For nearly five years now, we have been living in a city that makes us uncomfortable and clearly is not our home. Even now, we wonder why or how we ever ended up here. Just the other day, as I finished writing the last note to accompany your memorial bookmark to another recipient, I looked at what I had written:

"We got Little shortly after we moved here, and we've never been here without her. Now that she is gone, we realize that the only reason our place even began to feel like 'home' was because Little Dog lived here with us, and now that she is gone, we are more lost than we have ever been. Our place is no longer a home without Little Dog. She was - and still is - the very best thing to come out of Fort Myers."

It's true, Little. And now we realize that there was a purpose to all of this. You were ours all along, and we have always been yours. This is a "forever" kind of thing. So, we had to come here to claim you. We had to bring you "home" to our hearts. And your heart needed to be "home" to us. You were waiting for us when we arrived. Had you not been here, maybe we wouldn't have ever even moved here. We needed you just as much - if not more - than you needed us, Little Dog.

That being said, Little, we want you to know that in spite of all the hardships and heartaches that we have suffered down here, we would do it all over again. For you, Little Dog. For just a couple of years spent with you. No way could we not claim you. No way would we have traded you for better times in a much better place. You needed to be with your people. And no way could we ever have missed your last breath, Little. That moment belonged to just the three of us, and looking back, so much would have been different had we not come to claim you. Different for you. Different for us. You deserved to be this loved, Little, and you shouldn't have been living with strangers. You needed to live with family and that we are. It would have been so wrong for anyone else to be with you - ever - and that is why you had to come to us, and we had to come to you.

We are forever yours. And you are forever ours. You are with us, in our hearts, wherever we are. Wherever we go. Please keep us in your heart wherever you are. Wherever you go.

June 18, 2008 - More to Remember You By

Dear Little Dog,

It was overcast and raining a bit this morning. I have always loved the rain and mornings such as this, but you were so afraid of storms, Little Dog, and you hated to get your feet wet. Then, I saw it . . . a huge rainbow overhead. Did you see it, too? I'll bet you had a better view of it from where you are. I thought of you and that poem "The Rainbow Bridge" and wondered if it was God's way of telling us that you really are waiting for us in such a place.

I found out that your bookmarks were shipped two days ago so they will be here soon. The clinic hasn't called to say that your ashes are back and ready for pick up. Thank God in some respects though I do wish to bring "you" home. I want the call, but I don't. We haven't been back to the vet since your last appointment. I think it is still too soon.

I found another website where pets can be memorialized, and so, I have created a site for you. You even have your own web address. It is http://little.pets-memories.com. I want to thank pets-memories.com for having such a beautiful free service available to those who grieve the loss of loved ones.

Another website that I found last night is called www.seefido.com, and there is a beautiful and thoughtful forum there to discuss pets who are living and those who have passed away. I am going to start a memorial thread there for you, too, as they invite grieving pet owners to do so.

Love and miss you, Little!