Little Dog, things are just not the same without you. Gemini looks for you and seems to wait for you to return, as do we. In our minds, we know that you will not be coming back, but our hearts do not know any better.
It is still difficult to come back here to your online memorial, but we are going to continue to do it because you are loved. All of the prior memorial posts helped in a lot of ways, but they also hurt, too. The reason for the "hurt" is because we began to mourn the Little Dog who once was - vibrant, healthy, happier. So, not only were we trying to adjust to the loss of you, it began to hurt even worse - didn't know that was possible! - because our hearts forgot that you hadn't felt that good in a long, long time. The pictures that adorn your online memorial are not recent ones. Not because we didn't care to take your picture anymore but because you weren't well, and you looked sick. But just going through all of the pictures we took of you, Little, while you were here with us everyday, caused us to forget why we had to let you go . . . you were no longer the dog in these pictures. You were suffering, and watching you suffer caused us to suffer and grieve because it reminded us that time does, indeed, march on, and our time together was running out. Even before we said "goodbye", we had lost the essence of Little Dog a long, long time ago. So sad. But we never forgot that you were still the dog in all of those photos and that everyone ages and becomes frail, and that is why we wanted to keep you with us forever.
By creating this online memorial and other memorials, we feel that we are keeping you with us forever.
For nearly five years now, we have been living in a city that makes us uncomfortable and clearly is not our home. Even now, we wonder why or how we ever ended up here. Just the other day, as I finished writing the last note to accompany your memorial bookmark to another recipient, I looked at what I had written:
"We got Little shortly after we moved here, and we've never been here without her. Now that she is gone, we realize that the only reason our place even began to feel like 'home' was because Little Dog lived here with us, and now that she is gone, we are more lost than we have ever been. Our place is no longer a home without Little Dog. She was - and still is - the very best thing to come out of Fort Myers."
It's true, Little. And now we realize that there was a purpose to all of this. You were ours all along, and we have always been yours. This is a "forever" kind of thing. So, we had to come here to claim you. We had to bring you "home" to our hearts. And your heart needed to be "home" to us. You were waiting for us when we arrived. Had you not been here, maybe we wouldn't have ever even moved here. We needed you just as much - if not more - than you needed us, Little Dog.
That being said, Little, we want you to know that in spite of all the hardships and heartaches that we have suffered down here, we would do it all over again. For you, Little Dog. For just a couple of years spent with you. No way could we not claim you. No way would we have traded you for better times in a much better place. You needed to be with your people. And no way could we ever have missed your last breath, Little. That moment belonged to just the three of us, and looking back, so much would have been different had we not come to claim you. Different for you. Different for us. You deserved to be this loved, Little, and you shouldn't have been living with strangers. You needed to live with family and that we are. It would have been so wrong for anyone else to be with you - ever - and that is why you had to come to us, and we had to come to you.
We are forever yours. And you are forever ours. You are with us, in our hearts, wherever we are. Wherever we go. Please keep us in your heart wherever you are. Wherever you go.
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