First Halloween Without You

We are really missing you today, Little. We are so glad that we didn't get your costume too early this year because it would have been even more heartbreaking than it already is. Your other costumes, rain coat, and winter coat still hang in our closet.

You are loved and missed, Little Dog!

Happy Halloween!

Three Months Later . . .

We still miss you so much, Little.

The days have gotten easier, but they are by no means easy.

I am not often conscious of the fact that it is a Thursday morning (at the same time that we last saw you) and no longer haunted between 8:45 a.m. and 9:30 a.m. on Thursdays. I still remember coming out to the living room at 8:45 a.m. on Thursday, June 5, 2008, after dressing and gathering up my purse and keys so that we could take you for your last vet visit. I will always remembering seeing you sitting on the chair with your head resting on your feet. You weren't feeling good and had been listless for days.

I still remember letting you hang out in the yard for a few minutes before we got in the car, as I realized that we would never walk with you again and never again be in the yard with you. There would be no more walks.

Then, I remember the ride to the vet and how you just sat so quiet in my lap. I tried to stay in the moment with you, knowing that was our last car ride together. There would be no more car rides.

And I remember the painful car ride home without you. I can never forget. We will never forget.

But we will always remember you. Our family member. Our friend. Our Little Dog.

We love and miss you, Little Dog. Always.

July 12, 2008 - Found the Perfect Poem

When you think of me, master
Know that I am not the same,
Not the frail, old body
That I too fast became

Smile back on your mornings
My young paws wet with dew
Think not of the pained version
Of the pup you once knew

Please remember our good times
Our fond romps in the park
Not the day I lay dying
And my world became dark

And at times when you are grieving
In those moments of hurt
Do replace tears with memories
Of when I was alert

Please remember my soft eyes
And my sweet, loving lick
Not the hazy, lost moments
After I became sick

When sad times are upon you
And your tears start to flow
Know I am not the confused dog
That you grew to know

Master, when you lie dreaming
Let your dreams be not blue
Dare not dream of the frail dog
Whose earth years seemed so few

May your dream paint you rainbows
And bright bridges of gold
And show you, my dear master,
That I am no longer old

May your rest bring you wisdom
May you wake without care
Grieving not for my loss but
Knowing I am still there

I'll be in puppy kisses
And in walks in the park
And right there beside you
On your bed in the dark

And those times you are smelling
A sweet, dew-covered rose
Eyes closed, feel the soft brush
Of a little, wet nose.

Whether you are in sunshine
Or alone in the dark
When the gentle wind whispers
You just might hear my bark

If at times you might feel
Gentle taps on your knee
Please don't let this alarm you
It's most probably me

Though you no longer see me
Nor can you touch my soft hair
In a way that you know not
I will always be there

Please do know I've not left you
We were paired from the start
I will be with you always
Cuddled deep in your heart

Love spans all horizons so
Let your sad heart not harden
I romp and I'm whole again,
In a bright rainbow garden

One fine day you will join me
We'll run fast in a green field
When you come to the gateway
And, like I, you are healed

And till that joyous reunion
When I lick your sweet face
Know I'm playing in rainbows
And I'm saving your place

So tonight as you lie back
Settled down in your bed
Know I'm not gone, dear master....
I've just gone on ahead.

Author: Dorrin M. Birch

July 10, 2008 - Things Are Just Not The Same Without You

Little Dog, things are just not the same without you. Gemini looks for you and seems to wait for you to return, as do we. In our minds, we know that you will not be coming back, but our hearts do not know any better.

It is still difficult to come back here to your online memorial, but we are going to continue to do it because you are loved. All of the prior memorial posts helped in a lot of ways, but they also hurt, too. The reason for the "hurt" is because we began to mourn the Little Dog who once was - vibrant, healthy, happier. So, not only were we trying to adjust to the loss of you, it began to hurt even worse - didn't know that was possible! - because our hearts forgot that you hadn't felt that good in a long, long time. The pictures that adorn your online memorial are not recent ones. Not because we didn't care to take your picture anymore but because you weren't well, and you looked sick. But just going through all of the pictures we took of you, Little, while you were here with us everyday, caused us to forget why we had to let you go . . . you were no longer the dog in these pictures. You were suffering, and watching you suffer caused us to suffer and grieve because it reminded us that time does, indeed, march on, and our time together was running out. Even before we said "goodbye", we had lost the essence of Little Dog a long, long time ago. So sad. But we never forgot that you were still the dog in all of those photos and that everyone ages and becomes frail, and that is why we wanted to keep you with us forever.

By creating this online memorial and other memorials, we feel that we are keeping you with us forever.

For nearly five years now, we have been living in a city that makes us uncomfortable and clearly is not our home. Even now, we wonder why or how we ever ended up here. Just the other day, as I finished writing the last note to accompany your memorial bookmark to another recipient, I looked at what I had written:

"We got Little shortly after we moved here, and we've never been here without her. Now that she is gone, we realize that the only reason our place even began to feel like 'home' was because Little Dog lived here with us, and now that she is gone, we are more lost than we have ever been. Our place is no longer a home without Little Dog. She was - and still is - the very best thing to come out of Fort Myers."

It's true, Little. And now we realize that there was a purpose to all of this. You were ours all along, and we have always been yours. This is a "forever" kind of thing. So, we had to come here to claim you. We had to bring you "home" to our hearts. And your heart needed to be "home" to us. You were waiting for us when we arrived. Had you not been here, maybe we wouldn't have ever even moved here. We needed you just as much - if not more - than you needed us, Little Dog.

That being said, Little, we want you to know that in spite of all the hardships and heartaches that we have suffered down here, we would do it all over again. For you, Little Dog. For just a couple of years spent with you. No way could we not claim you. No way would we have traded you for better times in a much better place. You needed to be with your people. And no way could we ever have missed your last breath, Little. That moment belonged to just the three of us, and looking back, so much would have been different had we not come to claim you. Different for you. Different for us. You deserved to be this loved, Little, and you shouldn't have been living with strangers. You needed to live with family and that we are. It would have been so wrong for anyone else to be with you - ever - and that is why you had to come to us, and we had to come to you.

We are forever yours. And you are forever ours. You are with us, in our hearts, wherever we are. Wherever we go. Please keep us in your heart wherever you are. Wherever you go.

June 18, 2008 - More to Remember You By

Dear Little Dog,

It was overcast and raining a bit this morning. I have always loved the rain and mornings such as this, but you were so afraid of storms, Little Dog, and you hated to get your feet wet. Then, I saw it . . . a huge rainbow overhead. Did you see it, too? I'll bet you had a better view of it from where you are. I thought of you and that poem "The Rainbow Bridge" and wondered if it was God's way of telling us that you really are waiting for us in such a place.

I found out that your bookmarks were shipped two days ago so they will be here soon. The clinic hasn't called to say that your ashes are back and ready for pick up. Thank God in some respects though I do wish to bring "you" home. I want the call, but I don't. We haven't been back to the vet since your last appointment. I think it is still too soon.

I found another website where pets can be memorialized, and so, I have created a site for you. You even have your own web address. It is http://little.pets-memories.com. I want to thank pets-memories.com for having such a beautiful free service available to those who grieve the loss of loved ones.

Another website that I found last night is called www.seefido.com, and there is a beautiful and thoughtful forum there to discuss pets who are living and those who have passed away. I am going to start a memorial thread there for you, too, as they invite grieving pet owners to do so.

Love and miss you, Little!

June 14, 2008 - Little's Bookmark

I had to go searching for the poem you see on here. This poem is my favorite when it comes to the loss of our pets.

The problem in finding it was that I could only remember just a few words of it. I put those words into the search bar on Google, and one of the first links, if not the first link was to an article written by an editor of an Indiana newspaper who was being faced with the same thing that we had just gone through - - her dog's final days. A friend of hers had given her the poem that I needed for Little's memorial bookmark, and she generously offered it in her article about her dog.

I had to order a minimum of 16 bookmarks to order them, and I had no idea what I would do with 16 bookmarks of Little Dog. Still, I ordered them anyways. We love her, and we wanted to do this for her.

Over the last few days, we have received several notes and cards from family and friends expressing kind words of support and in honor of Little. So, I have now decided that as soon as I receive the bookmarks, I will send a "thank you" and bookmark to everyone who remembered us - and Little - during this sad time.

June 13, 2008 - Finding Ways To Cope

I have found some things that help. Note: I am not saying that these things take the pain away or help with the loss, but it is helping pass the time now that Little Dog is not here. It is also helping us to channel our grief in positive and comforting ways.

First, we have a page at www.dogster.com so we updated Little Dog's page and put in a journal entry there and even, for the first time, posted in on one of their Forum threads concerning the loss of a pet. Some very kind people on that site have sent messages and even given a "candle" to Little Dog. This has helped.

Secondly, one of the kind people at www.dogster.com referred me to a website called "www.petloss.com". I added Little to the Bridge List and Tributes. This fine website has a "Candlelight Ceremony" every Monday night for those who grieve the loss of their pets.

Thirdly, I got an image in my mind of a funeral remembrance card so I thought "Why not?" I went online and found a beautiful and thoughtful company called www.momorialcards.com, and I ordered actual bookmarks that are memorial cards. I chose the picture of Little, the background, and what would be said. A special thanks to MoMorial Cards for their courtesy and professionalism. They had a "proof" back to me in my e-mailbox within an hour of my submitting the order.

Last, but not least, and for us Most Important of All: We decided quickly after Little Dog passed away that the thing that was tearing us up most was the pressure to "heal", "get over her", or to just "move on". So, we had to make a decision that was right for us. It is bad enough to have to deal with the loss of a pet when you do not want them gone, but it just makes things even worse when your feelings must be forced as well. So, we decided that we would grieve, and we would also memorialize her in our home. A place of prominence has been selected where her ashes will be placed up on a shelf that we will purchase. Next to her ashes, we will display a carefully selected photograph of our Dear Friend during one of her finer moments. Preferably something that makes us all smile. Most likely, a pic of her actually smiling. We have spent the past nearly two weeks working on all of the pictures that we have of Little. Luckily, there are many, many pics, and they were already uploaded on the computer. We have created a file folder calling "Little Memorial" where all of those pictures are. We also downloaded them to a flash drive for safekeeping. When this huge undertaking is complete, we are having the photos developed in various sizes and purchasing corresponding frames for them. We are then going to dedicate a wall for Little Dog. We are just so used to seeing her and her things in our everyday lives. It may sound unhealthy to some, but why should we have to remove all traces of her and force ourselves to try to forget her just so others can deem us "healthy". It will be of great comfort for us to see our Little Dog when coming and going from our home. Having her here - knowing that she was here - was a big part of our lives. So, Little Dog will be here.

Because we do not want to forget her.

Because we do love her.

Because it just isn't home without her here to say goodbye to on our way out or to be here to greet us when we return.

June 11, 2008 - The Rainbow Bridge

Everyone has been referring us to the poem entitled "The Rainbow Bridge". I am familiar with it. I'm sure that I myself have referenced it for just such an occasion.

So, I thought I'd post it right here.


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...

June 5, 2008 - Obituary

June 5, 2008

It was such a difficult day for us, Little. In fact, the days - even weeks - leading up to this day were unspeakably difficult. We love you so much that we wanted to keep you with us forever, but loving you meant that we had to consider you and put you first, and you weren't well, Little Dog. You were not well. You had grown old, as we all will, and your health was failing. But still, we couldn't let go. We continued to know and remember you as you were . . . happy, healthy, and the life of our home.

You still are the life of our home, and you always will be.

Here is the announcement that we emailed to family and friends:

Little Dog
?/?/???? - 6/5/2008
Age: 10+ years

Our home is quieter today and emptier than we ever imagined possible. Today, we grieve in ways unspeakable.

Our Little Dog came into our lives unexpectedly and captured our hearts even more unexpectedly.

Named "Little Dog" as a means of temporary identification since our intent was to find her a home when she found herself homeless . . . and within weeks, our hearts were her home.

Her life with us started just the same way that it ended: In our arms, and today, she took her last breath while in the comfort of our arms.

We never knew her birthday, but we will never forget the day she passed from this life.

Gone but not forgotten.
She was - and will forever be -
Little Dog with the Big Heart!

June 10, 2008 - In Loving Memory . . .

I am at such a loss as I sit here during the day without you, Dear Friend. I have begun to go through old pictures of you and even return to forums that I have participated in to see what I said about you. I cannot believe how many pictures we have taken of you, Pretty Little. And yes, of course, I shared you with others as I chatted on the forum.


Written on March 6, 2007, about you, Little Dog, on a forum:

I took in a six year old Shihtzu a couple of years ago because she was being dumped. First of all, I am not a "little dog person" so I was apprehensive about this and did it with the intention of finding her a permanent home. Well, after just two weeks, she felt like she had always been part of the family. Yes, she dominated the rest of the "pack" as well. The Doberman would actually run from her and let her jump up and bite him without doing anything to her. (She was playing, but it looked painful.) She seems very human and seems to strive for it. She seems a bit "high maintenance", but she always seems to make you feel like it is YOUR idea to worship her. I read about these dogs, and it said that they want to be worshipped rather than the other way around, and I'd have to agree. That being said, she is so sweet and loving that you really do not mind giving her that extra attention. She seems to be more distant than other dogs that I've had (like she will sometimes sit in another room away from us); however, anyone can approach her at anytime, and she is ready to be picked up, petted, play, whatever you want. She is consistently waiting for us at the door and wagging her tail when we get home. The only sadness that I have had with regard to her - and it is more about compassion toward her - is that she must have had a very bad grooming experience because whenever I bathe her, she fights me concerning the necessary cleaning and maintenance of eyes, face, and nails. I used to fight with her pretty hard in an effort to make her look nice; however, at some point, it just broke my heart when I realized that she didn't understand what was going on and probably wondered why I am being so mean to her. She was terrified and fighting me while I was being rough with her, and yet, while she could have used her teeth on me, she never did. It just never occurred to this sweet, loving, and loyal dog to hurt me even when she thought I was hurting her. This just broke my heart, and so I have just lightened up concerning her grooming and keep her hair short and clean. That is the only goal now.

She is aging now, and she can only see some light or shadows from time to time, but she is pretty much blind. However, she is still the happy-go-lucky loving dog that she always was. We are mindful of this and do not rearrange furniture or leave things around that could hinder her. I dread the day when her health fails, or she becomes completely withdrawn and is no longer happy because this little dog has become a BIG part of our family, and there will be a big hole in our lives where Little Dog once was.

I am a "big dog person", but I will forever remember Little Dog with the Big Heart.

This forum post brought tears to my eyes the day that I wrote it, whenever I read it back to myself, and does definitely bring tears to my eyes today.

Miss you, Little Dog. I have no idea how we are going to do it without you.

June 7, 2008 - All Dogs Go To Heaven

Where are you, Little Dog? We miss you so much. Most certainly, Little, you have earned a special place in Heaven.



I have not seen this movie, and I would imagine that not now nor anytime soon would be a good time to see it. It is difficult to imagine that Little Dog won't soon return to our home. What a huge hole such a "little dog" has left in our lives.

We love and miss you, Little.